I had a conversation with my friend Dieter today. I told her–no, make that I bared my soul andconfided to a good and dear friend–in other words, one who WOULD NOT JUDGE ME–I confided my weakness for SMARTEES.
I happen to like SMARTEES this time of year. When they start showing up in candy dishes everywhere. Candy dishes in public places–offices, stores, businesses that want to show the Halloween spirit but don’t want to spring for the good stuff so they buy the big bag of cheap candy and it sits there untouched on the receptionist’s desk…until I come in.
I was at work when I ‘fessed up to Dieter. Thought she would understand a Halloween hankering. I don’t recall her exact words but one of them was ‘pathetic’. Did I mention she was is a good and dear friend?
Well Dieter…after work, after the gym…look what I found!
They’ll be in the staff room tomorrow. Some of them. Maybe….
My favorite way to eat pizza and still feel good about myself the next day.
1. Get a pizza. This one happens to be a take ‘n bake from Pappa Murphy’s. Chicken, artichoke, bacon thin crust. I always order extra artichoke and spinach.
2. Now here’s the tricky part. There was a time when I could sit down and eat half of this sucker. Stuff my cheeks like an out of control gerbil and feel like crap the next day. But now…
Cut two pieces. Just two. OMG–LOOK AT THEM!!! Don’t you just want to jump in face first? Geeze, I couldn’t even wait for the photo, I had to take a bite. Had too, like somebody twisted my arm…sigh.
Then take those lovlies and chop them up. You heard me, chop chop chop them into little bite sized pieces. Pizza sacrilege but you will thank me later. You really will. But it’s so frightening I can’t show the photo. Not now. Later.
3. Fill a bowl with salad greens.
4. Add avocado.
5. And an apple. Chop it up first and give some to the dogs.
This is Bean. The other half of The Littles. He will kill for a piece of apple.
Toss it all together. Mix with a little Italian dressing. Or oil and vinegar. Something simple.
OMG, you will love this! It’s loaded with little mini-pizza croutons in every bite. The apple adds nice contrast with the sweet. And it’s filling enough to keep you from going back for more pizza.
It’s cold today. Rain coming down. I’m wearing a heavy flannel shirt and a pair of jeans that fit me better last spring. Wonder why that is…
Oh right…the carrot cake. I don’t drink. I don’t do drugs. But after Mama died, I did carrot cake like it was crack. Like I couldn’t get enough. I had to have it–EVERY DAY. Every day for six weeks. I would go on carrot cake hunts, seeking out the best in town. I’d buy it by the piece because I didn’t dare keep a full one in the house. And then I’d stand there like this crazy woman eyeballing the selection to figure out which was the biggest piece and telling the clerk I had to have THAT one. No, no–THAT one, the one behind the one she was trying to sell me. And it had to have cream cheese frosting, the real deal. Not a schmere of frosting but a thick-heavy-solid-artery-clogging heap ‘o creamy sugar goodness.
It could even be a carrot muffin, as long as it had the cream cheese.
And then… Just. Like. That. I woke up one morning and realized I didn’t want it anymore.
By that time it was summer and I was in my loose, baggy cargo pants, the kind of pants that are like the old fashioned circus car–you know the one I’m talking about, small car like an old VW bug. Comes to a stop and the clowns keep pouring out. Like, where did they come from? And how did they fit in there? And when are they going to STOP coming out? And you’re kicking yourself because you didn’t start counting ’em right away and you don’t know how many it’s been but it has to be at least fifteen. Or forty. Or three hundred.
Well, that’s what those cargo pants are like. Put them on and you are totally unaware that you’re in big trouble because your fat cells are multiplying like Tribbles–and if you’re too young to know what a Tribble is or if you’re too old to remember, then watch this before reading any further.
Back from Tribbles? Okay, so I was saying all the time I wore these loose, comfy pants I had NO idea what was going on inside them. Not. A. Clue.
Until the cold front moved in and I decided to wear my jeans, the ones that had been shrinking in the closet all summer….
About the battle with the zipper? I will spare you the grizzly details. I won…but it wasn’t pretty.
I wore those jeans all day…and I did not pass out.
These are the trees around my house. Ponderosa Pine. And yes, they are as big as they look. Bigger, even. I mean, they’re huge. Positively enormous. Makes you dizzy just looking up. And up. And up and up and up because there’s a gazillion of ’em on our property alone. So many trees you can’t even count that high. Because we are surrounded by the Tahoe National Forest. In other words, we live in the deep, dark…woods.
As do lions and tigers and bears, oh my!
Okay, no tigers. But mountain lions, yes. Bears, you betcha. In fact once upon a time Bubba (best dog EVER, R.I.P.) sent one scurrying up that middle tree. Yes, that one right there. Bears, or at least this one, can leap tall buildings trees with a single bound. But this wasn’t your run of the mill tall tree, this was a gigundo Ponderosa. Took that bear three clumps till he reached the top.
I know because I was there. Way, I mean way, too close. I could’ve reached out and touched Mr. Bear as he raced by. You would race like that too, if Bubba was snapping and snarling on your tail. Check him out down below. Ferocious dog, eh?
Yep, here he is with his girl a few years back. No greater love hath a child than the dog they grew up with.
But back to the woods. And the critters. An interesting assortment we have here. Besides the native wildlife we have monkeys. Uh-huh. Do too. Just ask Ingrid, my niece. We’ve even gone monkey hunting on my property, she and I. Didn’t catch any monkeys but we saw some monkey nests and that’s almost as good.
And we have UNICORNS! Yes we do, Ingrid says so. Here they are, right here.
Wheew, well I think that’s enough excitement for now. Unless you’ve got some critter encounters you’d like to share. Anybody?
