I found sweet Lana lying by the gate today. She was dead. From the looks of things, she just keeled over. Ka-boom. Just. Like. That.
She wasn’t sick. Wasn’t in pain. And ever the sweet pony that she was, she didn’t put me in the heart wrenching position of having to make THAT decision.
She actually did me a favor dying like that. An old horse, a very old horse, moving on to wherever it is old horses go. Leaving the body she no longer needed right there by the gate. By the gate…so we could get her out of there easy peasy. If you ever even contemplated moving a dead horse you’d know how considerate that is.
Oh God, I’m going to miss her so.
Lana 1980-2013
Going to miss that deep throaty nicker every time she caught sight of me. Her boundless enthusiasm as she cantered up to the fence for dinner. Or just to say hi, as recently as yesterday. Her kick-ass I’m the boss mare attitude towards the others in the herd. Her catch me if you can shennigans when the the mood was upon her.
Lovin’ on Lana
I’m going to miss her, oh how I’ll miss her. But she didn’t go before she taught me the lesson I needed to learn, that it’s okay to open your heart, okay to risk it all by loving someone. Even when you know that someone isn’t going to be around forever. Even though that love will someday break your heart.
I wrote all about that here. And because of that lesson, I also know it’s okay to feel what I’m feeling now. Which is shitty.
Really, it’s okay.
Because shitty will pass. And when it does, the lesson learned will be stronger than ever. It’s okay to love. To feel deeply. To be vulnerable. And it’s okay to feel good again.
Thank you Lana, for teaching me that. Happy trails. Namaste. And while you’re galloping around up in pony heaven, say hi to Roy and Dale and Jesus for me.
A lazy afternoon. Da Boy was hangin’ out in the barn-which-is-a-shed, hiding from the bugs and the sun. He was dozing but I woke him up. Said, hey, let’s take some pictures.
He was all droopy eyed and sleepy. Between that and the lighting (dim interior contrasted with bright outdoors) I figured we were in for an arty good time. Arty meaning out of focus, blurry, light leaking PERFECT for day dreamy shots.
Sigh…these all make me very happy. There’s a time and a place for focus…and this was not one of them.
Technical info: These were taken with an iPhone 4. They were arted-up and edited in Aquarella and Photoshop. They look even better if you leave a comment down below. Really, they do. Has something to do with light bending quantum physics blogging. I read all about that on the interwebs so you know it has to be true.
One hundred days ago I began a daily practice of photographing my horses.
One hundred days. Who’da thunk it?
Something interesting happened during that time…
I fell in love with Lana.
With Saki.
With Jasmine.
Fell in love with them all over again. Let my heart open up to them once more. Even tho they’re old and will break it soon enough.
I no longer worry about being vulnerable because I’m learning to EXPERIENCE the present. To embrace what is, RIGHT NOW. Including me, at this stage of my life, gray hair and all.
She totally hogged the camera today. Pinned her ears back and gave Saki the look, the one that said step back, this is my time with Mama. And then she posed. And posed. She’s liking the sound of the shutter, I guess. So I snapped away. So many photos to choose from, too many for FaceBook so I’m sharing a few more of them here.
Enjoy!
First came the Conversation. Hello dearie. How’re you doing? Let me wipe those crusties from your eyes.
Then came the kiss. A little pony smoochin’.
Followed by the oh-so-serious Pony Forehead Meld, similar to, but not as powerful as, the Vulcan Mind Meld.
Which morphed into this, my FAVORITE, the one that simply looking at makes me feel centered and calm. I heart this photo, oh, indeed I do.
Technical Stuff:
These are all taken by moi using an iphone 4. I just hold the camera up and out and snap away. And away and away and away. With any luck, there’s something worth keeping. There usually is, or at least something I can salvage in editing. The arty effects in today’s photos were created using Aquarella.
