by Susan Lobb Porter | Clutter challenge, Life |
He was supposed to swoon.
He was supposed to walk through the door, drop his flight bag and positively swoon at the sight of the house. The (newly) clutter free house. The one he’s lived in, along with the clutter, going on 20 years.
And then he was supposed to lovingly run his long fingers over the bare clutter free freshly oiled soapstone countertops and say, in a Cary Grant-ish sort of way, “Dah-ling, (Thirty-two years of marriage and he’s never called me Dah-ling, never, not once, but he would for this because it’s THAT special) Dah-ling, WHAT have you done to the house??? It’s simply mah-valous!”
That’s what he was supposed to do. That was the scene I envisioned.
Mwa-ha-ha-ha!!! Silly me. Because this is how it went down:
He walks through the door after being gone nearly two weeks, the first two weeks of my self-imposed Clearing Space Challenge, the one I didn’t tell him about other than to warn him not to bring more crap home. He walks through the door and is attacked by two yappy little dogs who adore their dad. They throw themselves on him, then just as quickly run into the kitchen where I’m dismembering a rotisserie chicken. Because as much as they love their dad, MOM HAS CHICKEN!!!
I wasn’t expecting him for dinner so I’m just standing there at the counter going all primal on crispy bird parts right out of the carton, no plate or utensils involved. But unlike the dogs I know where my priorities are. So I dash into the hall, drumstick still in hand, and greet him with a nice greasy chicken lips kiss.
Mmmmmmmmmm….
I ask if he wants dinner and he says that would be nice but first he’s got to pee. He bolts off to the the potty, the one in the bedroom and I’m so excited because I’m figuring he may not have noticed that the living room, dining room and kitchen are all nice and tidy but he’s bound to notice the bedroom. And when he hits the bathroom, the one I actually scrubbed down today with the all natural grapefruit-lemongrass cleanser that smells so good, he will discover that we have white sinks–WHITE, not beige like they’ve been forever. And when he realizes he can actually SEE his reflection in the mirror (imagine that!!!) he will fall on his knees in appreciation.
He will swoon.
So I’m thinking this as I’m tossing a salad together. Humming a little ditty to myself because I’m feeling a bit like I did when the kids were little and I knew what Santa brought them for Christmas. Anticipatory glee, the best kind.
And then he comes out and he’s standing in front of the TOTALLY CLEAR breakfast bar. Well, totally clear except for two dinosaurs, a heart rock and the phone. He’s just standing there watching me make the salad. Making small talk.
But I don’t want no stinkin’ small talk . . . I want recognition!
So I ask casually (with my shiny chicken grease lips) “Notice anything?”
He gets that look on his face that tells me he’s thinking. It’s the same look babies have when they’re pooping their pants. And then he says, “I notice it smells like you’ve been cleaning?” He says this with a question mark at the end, hoping it’s the right answer.
SMELLS like??? Mwa-ha-ha-ha!!! Silly me. Because. This. Is. How. He. Is.
He doesn’t notice the ABSENCE of clutter because he doesn’t SEE the clutter to begin with.
Which only goes to show. . . I’m doing this project for ME. For MYSELF.
Maybe in time he’ll grow to appreciate it. Eventually perhaps it will become his new normal. The new normal. I have hope. More than hope.
Because sometime during the evening, between starting to write this post and getting up for a cup of tea, I couldn’t help but notice the papers that had been in a messy scatter around his computer were in a neat and tidy pile, the corners lined up just so. Or almost just so.
And I had nothing to do with it.
Ahhhhh . . . Exhale.
Okay, so now I KNOW I’m doing this project for myself. And I’m loving my clear space, I surely am. But I could still use some kudos for cleaning in the comments below. Or whatever else that’s on your mind.
xoxo
by Susan Lobb Porter | Clutter challenge, Digital Art |
Art Alert: Yes, there IS art on this post. Scroll down if words are not your thing. I won’t be offended. Honest.
A long time ago, like last week or something, I declared to the WORLD (or at least the readers of this blog…but then again you guys are the world to me) I declared that I would devote 15 minutes every day (no more, no less) to getting rid of the crap clutter in my life.
And I would blog about it every day. With pictures. Proof and accountability. Really, some people will do anything to get a clean house. Like broadcast their slovenliness on the interwebs for everyone to see.
And thus began the Clearing Space Challenge.
But you know what? Writing those tidy-girl posts every day was a stretch. I mean, how many ways can you list piles of crap and make it sound interesting?
So now I’m switching things up and changing da rulz. I can do that, it’s my game. The 15 minute daily de-clutter practice will continue because the difference it’s made in my house in just 10 days is amazing. I mean you could drop in unannounced (please don’t) and I wouldn’t be embarrassed about the mess…because there is NO MESS, at least in the living room, dining room, kitchen. But bedrooms, closets, drawers…(shrug) well, that’s another story, one I’ll share with you as it unfolds but I won’t blog about it every day…cause I gots me some art to do!
Drumroll–now to the art!
I was watching an interview on a DVD when I was struck by the colors of the set and the clothing. There was a bright yellow sofa involved. Turquoise clothing. Dark walls. Colorful flowers.
So I did a quick little sketch, some arty shorthand to imprint the image on my mind. Then I pulled out the iPad because it was too dark and cold and rainy to work in the studio, not when I had a lovely fire in the woodstove and a couple dogs who wanted to snuggle. I hadn’t gotten far when da Muse popped in and added her two cents.
She didn’t like the dark walls. So I changed them.
River City 2014 Susan Lobb Porter
As usual, she was right.
This is the piece as it stands now. I’ll be offering it as prints soon. I’m also considering it a study for a larger piece. In fact I’m heading out to the studio to work on it right now. Because today is bright and sunny, a perfect day for all those studio skylights and windows.
I’ll take photos of the process. Come back tomorrow and check them out. And take a minute to say hi in the comments below. I’ll eat some chocolate for you if you do. And maybe some cheese. Happy face emoticon here.
xoxo
by Susan Lobb Porter | Clutter challenge, Life |
Clearing Space,Day 5
Tonight I came home from work, built a fire, took the dogs out, fed the horses, worked out and thought damn, I want to bail on Clearing Space tonight.
Then a voice inside my head (one of many, I might add) said, ‘Really? You can’t find 15 minutes??? Puh-leeze….’
And she was right. So I cleared the breakfast bar, which we’ve never ever once eaten breakfast at. Cleared it of stuff that belonged in the bathroom, stuff that belonged in a drawer. Stuff that belonged in the garbage. Cleared it of everything except for the phone, a couple of pens, a notepad and those fellas up there. They came from Photojojo by the way. Everything I buy from them comes with a dinosaur. They’re special that way.
And since the dinos are way more interesting than a 5 foot long slab of nothing-on-it-cherry I figure they deserve to be the star of today’s Clearing Space photo.
Any guesses what they’re fighting over? Or are they fighting at all? Love to hear your thoughts in the comments below.
xo
by Susan Lobb Porter | Clutter challenge, Life |
A brief detour before resuming Clearing Space. Very brief. Like, you’re almost there. But first–
Confession: I am a groundhog, ku-ku-ku-ju. In other words, I have my very own minor holiday as my birthday. I am soooooo special!!!
Look what sister Perci gifted me with:
A Goddess Graphite! OMG, is she a pencil? A sculpture? Both??? YES! She will MAKE art and BE art, imagine that! I couldn’t think of a better addition to my studio.
And now back to Clearing Space, my daily 15 minutes (not more, not less) practice of de-cluttering my home and my life. This is day 4, the sideboard.
There wasn’t too much clutter to remove here, a few Christmas things, tree lights, an angel. And a bright orange playground ball I used for some exercise. A couple of dog leashes and chew toys. The tools and left over parts from assembling the treadmill. Leftover parts? Hmmm… And the wheels I took off the over-the-bed-hospital-table I use as a computer desk for the stationary bike and now for the treadmill as well. Four of ’em.
Well, maybe there was more than I thought. Which is a lesson about underestimating the amount of crap we have. But it’s GONE now. The only things that hasn’t found a permanent home are the treadmill leftovers. I’m not sure what to do with them…so they’re on the window seat. Temporarily. Until I look at the assembly instructions again. Oh yeah, they were there too.
After a nice polishing I returned a few of the photos, the handblown glass balls, a heart and the Madonna sculpture I made years ago. BTW, Madonna has an extra boobie, maybe 2 on her hat. Just because I could.
Then I took the photo. Took one that shows the dining room in the distance, just to show you it’s STILL clutter free from two days ago. YAY!!!
That’s a good sign because two days is a lifetime in clutter land. I’m noticing a change in habits already. I don’t walk in and immediately toss things on the table. I’ve been putting things away after I use them. Throwing things out that need to go away. The true test will be when I tackle the one corner of the kitchen counter, the de facto clutter magnet where every day every things pile up.
I’m saving that one for another day. I’ll give you a heads up before I do it so you can send some good mojo my way. I’m going to need it.
So how are you guys doing? Are you clearing vicariously through these posts or have I inspired you to give it a go? Remember, 15 minutes every day. That’s all you need to start making a dent in your stuff.
But please don’t send any of it to me!
As always sweetums–xoxo
by Susan Lobb Porter | Life |
Welcome to my February challenge, Clearing Space, a 15 minute daily practice dedicated to reclaiming my home…reclaiming my life, one small area at a time. Fifteen minutes, no more, no less. And nothing can be shuffled off to another space. It must be put away where it belongs, thrown away or recycled.
And because this is an art blog there will be an arty ‘after’ photo to inspire. ‘Before’ photos would only be too upsetting and might land me a gig on some cheesy cable reality show. And I have too much on my plate to be a TV celebrity of the hoarding kind.
Although I might be open to a guest appearance on Ellen. Might as in YES! Pick MEEEEEEE!
Note to Ellen: See below.
Today’s project: Day 3, the dresser.
It was my father’s dresser, a lovely old mahogany thing with slider trays in the top drawer and dividers in the next couple down. I was always fascinated by it as a kid, that it had all these clever ways for organizing his stuff.
Well now it’s mine. The top drawer with the sliders and dividers is a jumble, as are the other five. But this is not about the drawers, their day will come. And trust me, their contents are shocking enough to warrant their own post in this series.
This post is about the top. The part that people see when they walk into the bedroom. Not that there’s much foot traffic in our bedroom but I see it. And Mr. Spouse sees it.
Or maybe we don’t see it.
Because when I had at the pile today I discovered:
- The ratty old baseball cap Mr. Spouse wears when working outside, the one he’s been looking for for quite some time. The one I snatched from the jaws of a dog in the middle of the night, tossed it on the dresser where I was reasonably sure she couldn’t retrieve it. And then I went back to bed and forgot all about it.
- A lovely sweater Dear Daughter hasn’t worn in 10 years and no longer wants and “Why do you still have that thing anyway, Mama? Give it away”
- The Christmas table runner I couldn’t find at Christmas. And several empty department store bags from Christmas shopping.
- A brand new unopened pack of panties I vaguely remember buying. Bright cheery colors just in time for spring. Except the teal with daisies. My ass doesn’t do daisies. Seriously. Just. Doesn’t. That gem might become a paint rag right off.
- Four perfectly good pens (three blue, one black), one broken pencil and two thick luscious rubber bands. Oh, and a roll of Scotch tape.
- Two notebooks and a notepad, grocery list still attached.
- Drugstore reader cheater glasses. Two pair mine, one Mr. Spouse. Although maybe his is actually prescription. Note to self: Be sure to show him those glasses.
- A grocery checkout women’s magazine that guarantees I will lose 184 pounds by March 1. Unfortunately March 1 is coming up way too soon to fulfill that promise. And if I lost 184 pounds I would not only cease to exist, there would be nothing left of me–not one single atom–to remember me by, just a black hole of she who used to be. I think there’s some sort of quantum theory about that sort of thing but as math was never one of my strengths I just have to make one up. Which is what theoretical physicists do anyway.
- The rough outline of an online class I want to teach. Mixed Media. Start saving your pennies because you know you want to take it. And by the time you’ve got the money I might have the class ready.
- Customer service number for the phone company along with my not too concise notes as to why I was calling them. Something about wtf are you charging me this for!!! Except if I remember right I started off polite–I always start off polite–and they were polite and everything worked out fine. So WTF never crossed my lips.
- Pajama bottoms
- Five CDs.
- One Kettlebell book, one QiGong book and one book about attitude and weight loss, which if I’d read that women’s magazine I wouldn’t need.
- One rock. A nice rock. I’m sure it meant something to me at one time or another.
- One clock radio which unfortunately has to stay. At least as long as I’m employed.
Sounds like a lot, like a humongous pile. But the thing is, it didn’t look like that much stuff. It really didn’t. I can be a neat stacker when it comes down to it.
Am I protesting too much?
Well, whatever. That was then. This is now.
The Dresser
One more exhale…. 25 to go. Ahhhhh…. Feels so good!
What do you think? Cleared any clutter lately? Would love to hear whatever’s on your mind (unless it’s politics) in the comments below.
See you tomorrow!
xoxo
Side note to Ellen: I dance and I tells jokes (as long as you don’t need both the set up and punchline). But most of all my friend Laura would be sooooo jealous if I was on your show. Laura would be an okay guest too, I guess, so you could have us both. She does chicken tricks. Call me, okay? I’ll see if I can clear my calendar.
by Susan Lobb Porter | Beloved Beasties, Life, Mr. Spouse |
This is day 2 of Clearing Space, a personal challenge for the month of February wherein I will release clutter from my environment, as much as I can in 15 minutes on any given day, 15 minutes being my limit when it comes to housework. Which could be why the place is a mess in the first place.
And because this is an art blog, I will take arty ‘after’ photos.
Today’s challenge: The dining room.
We have, in real estate parlance, a formal dining room. Formal as in a designated room of it’s own, not in what goes on there. Oh sure, Mr. Spouse and I dress for dinner. . . in the same clothes we wore all day. And sometimes, if it’s a weekend and we’re feeling particularly slovenly, the same clothes we wore the day before.
I guess the point I’m trying to make is it’s a formal dining room and we rarely eat there naked.
Naked dining being informal and that just wouldn’t do now, would it? Besides the obvious spilling problem, Mr. Spouse would discover the secret behind my skinny jeans. And I already know his truth. Pluh-eeze. Let’s just say we’re at the point in our relationship where clothing is preferred, not optional.
Lately the diningroom has become the UPS drop zone although FedEx has been known to encroach upon it too. It’s the place where important packages languish on the table. Languish, like the lazy bums they are. UNOPENED. And those that were opened are languishing empty, little packing peanuts and wads of paper proving great amusement for the cat. And for the little dogs who are NOT SUPPOSED to get on the table but they do.
I know they do because I am their mother and mothers know these things. And besides, I’ve seen them up there (insert your favorite expletive meaning shit here).
The table seats eight, but recent clutter creep has banished the two of us, Mr. Spouse and moi, to the far end. Dining in the kitchen nook is not an option, as least not yet, as the kitchen table is where mail, magazines and laptops dwell. Let’s not forget the laptop case that has become the favorite resting place of Kitty, she of the packing peanuts in the dining room fame.
Note to self: When Kitty dies bury her in the laptop case. She would be very happy there for all eternity and then you have the excuse to buy a new case. Red, the red one.
So being that the kitchen is farther down on the clutter clearing calendar and dinner is an every night affair (about the only affair in my life, trust me) I decided to tackle the dining room today.
Dining Room
Fifteen minutes. That’s all it took. I’m still wondering why I didn’t do this before. I mean, really, why did I wait so long?
Be back tomorrow. As always, I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments below.
xoxo
