Early this morning, I mean early, like around 4 when it’s still black as pitch, I stood out on the front porch in my jammies. Jammies in this case being a euphemism for an old T-shirt and finest kind panties from JC Penny. Standard romantic sleepwear after thirty years of marriage.
I stood out there scaring off THE BEAR.
And why would I be doing that?
Because for sure he’d knocked over the recycle can, a bin nearly as tall and far broader than I. It’d been the sound of crashing bottles and cans that woke me up. Then he moved on to the garbage. We’ve done this drill before. He’d rip open the bags, drag them who knows where, leaving a trail of yucky things I’d have to clean up later in the day. Damn bear. Worse than kids when it comes to making a mess.
So as soon as I heard the recycle go, I was out of bed in a flash. I flipped on the driveway lights, stood on the porch and…well, how does one scare off a bear?
Easy peasy. If the sudden glare of the lights and the sight of me in my Penneys panties wasn’t enough for Mr. B, I clapped my hands. Five sharp claps.
He answered through the darkness, a few gutteral grunts.
I clapped again. He grunted again.
And then I went back to bed. Because, really, what else could I do? I rolled in beside Mr. Spouse and told him all about my adventures. He grabbed the blanket, rolled over the other way, muttered something about bears. And then he snored.
But in his own way, I’m sure he was quite impressed.
And after breakfast I restocked the recycle bin, located the remains of the garbage about fifty feet from the scene of the crime, put on some gloves and cleaned up the mess left by Ursus Americanus. And I do hope he enjoyed the turkey burger, the one that spent a couple hours ripening in a hot car on a hot day before finding its way to the trash.
Now, to the age old question, does a bear chit in the woods, the answer is well, I’m sure the one who ate nearly ten pounds of pony psyllium does.
But that was another bear. Another adventure.
And now I’m off to Studio Grande to design my new business cards, paint and have a most productive arty life kind of day.
Have a great weekend! And if you didn’t spend the morning cleaning up someone else’s mess, dearest sweetums, then consider yourself ahead of the game.
I’m laughing because you have such a way with words Susan. Just glad it wasn’t me near the bear. I’m terrified that I would ever be face-to-face with one. I saw a turtle this week crossing the road as I was driving up. More what I can handle. lol Do you associate animals with messages? I like to look up animal totems and the animal to see what they have to tell me. Here’s yours for bear. 🙂
http://www.linsdomain.com/totems/pages/bear.htm
Wow…I really resonate with the description of the bear totem, Suzanne. Makes the entire encounter so…deep. Except for the part about the garbage, lol.
Never fear, I won’t get too close for safety. The house is a good 100 feet up the hill from where we keep the bins and the safety of the door was mere inches from my bum. 🙂
thanks for the grins and giggles, Susan
…..I love the idea of a bear encounter
but would likely join him in that
chit in the woods:)
-Jennifer
From a distance Jennifer. From a distance…
Great description of bears and romantic sleepwear! HA!
The bears are busy around me too – lots of sightings. Guess they’re busy filling up before hibernation.
You are brave!
xx
Oh, I wasn’t as brave as it sounds, Judy…more pissed off I’d have a mess to clean up in the morning, lol.
As you said, it’s that time of year. Time to eat more and get fat. Works for bears too!
xo
Love your sexy nightware! I think giving him a round of applause from the safety of the house is a really really good idea. As for ripe Turkey burger – all I can say is NOM! I know a couple of dogs that would consider it a priveledge to eat that!
Does cleaning up after an incontinent old dog count?
Hope the rest of your weekend was as much fun!
sue:)
Cleaning up after an incontinent old dog counts big time, Sue 🙂
That is awesome! I have done my share of scaring away “urban bears” AKA gangsta type thuggie neighbors being a pain in the backside to everyone they meet but never any REAL bears! That is so awesome. Good for you for being so brave and giving ’em hell.
Ohhhhhhh, I think I’d be more afraid of the urban ones, Amy!
What a great story and, I think I will forever be picturing you in your Pennys panties…
Not a pretty sight, Michele. Trust me!