Don’t know about you but some nights I’ve just got to veg. Crash on the sofa with a couple of dogs. Watch TV. Eat M&Ms, the ones with almonds because nuts are healthy.

And if you happened to have read the post I wrote around the end of last year, I really meant what I said about cleaning up my act. Watching what I eat. I meant it at the time, that is. Really. But now, two weeks into the new year I’m thinking that’s sooo 2011.

And I’m a 2012 woman now. An M&M popping, dog lovin’, gen-u-wine twenty-twelve sistah girl.

So I’m sitting here, feet on the coffee table, dogs by my side, laptop on my lap, TV yakking in the background and on comes one of those commercials that tell a guy to pop a pill and grow a woody, just like that. No foreplay involved. And then the happy dude with the throbbing pants turns to the camera and says, “If you have an erection for more than four hours call your doctor.”

Hell, you won’t need to do that. The lady will HATE you by then and kill you herself. Trust me.

OK, so the first commercial was for erectile dysfunction, The next commercial, and I’m not making this up, was for one of those honker pre-cooked sausages. The ones that are close to a foot long, no matter who measures it. The smiling woman waves it in the air like a trophy and shows it to her daughter. Look what we’re having for dinner tonight, honey.  Yumm…

And then she chops it up and puts it on a plate. Just like that. No foreplay involved.

Mwhahaha…

Wiping tears from my eyes. Wheezing. Wondering if Lorena B has a new job scheduling media buys for national TV.