She’s gone.
Sweet pony was called home today.
I found sweet Lana lying by the gate today. She was dead. From the looks of things, she just keeled over. Ka-boom. Just. Like. That.
She wasn’t sick. Wasn’t in pain. And ever the sweet pony that she was, she didn’t put me in the heart wrenching position of having to make THAT decision.
She actually did me a favor dying like that. An old horse, a very old horse, moving on to wherever it is old horses go. Leaving the body she no longer needed right there by the gate. By the gate…so we could get her out of there easy peasy. If you ever even contemplated moving a dead horse you’d know how considerate that is.
Oh God, I’m going to miss her so.
Lana
1980-2013
Going to miss that deep throaty nicker every time she caught sight of me. Her boundless enthusiasm as she cantered up to the fence for dinner. Or just to say hi, as recently as yesterday. Her kick-ass I’m the boss mare attitude towards the others in the herd. Her catch me if you can shennigans when the the mood was upon her.
Lovin’ on Lana
I’m going to miss her, oh how I’ll miss her. But she didn’t go before she taught me the lesson I needed to learn, that it’s okay to open your heart, okay to risk it all by loving someone. Even when you know that someone isn’t going to be around forever. Even though that love will someday break your heart.
I wrote all about that here. And because of that lesson, I also know it’s okay to feel what I’m feeling now. Which is shitty.
Really, it’s okay.
Because shitty will pass. And when it does, the lesson learned will be stronger than ever. It’s okay to love. To feel deeply. To be vulnerable. And it’s okay to feel good again.
Thank you Lana, for teaching me that. Happy trails. Namaste. And while you’re galloping around up in pony heaven, say hi to Roy and Dale and Jesus for me.
Oh, Susan…what a rare, beautiful soul Lana was and is. Still is, always will be, because the one thing that never, ever dies or goes away is love. She showed her love up to the very last. Many {{{HUGS}}} to you as you mourn and come out the other side.
Sue Jorgenson recently posted..It’s all about technique!
Thank you, Sue. There’s been so much written through the ages about horses as spirit animals. Perhaps she’ll come to me in my dreams.
Hugs are much appreciated. xoxo
Susan, I’m so sorry to hear of Lana’s passing. She was such a beautiful horse. I thoroughly enjoyed getting to know her through your beautiful daily photos, you and her together. May your heart be peaceful, and may you feel the love she had for you even more intensely than ever. xoxo
Suzanne McRae recently posted..Sisters: our week away at a cottage
I’m blessed–she’s blessed–that it was a quick and sudden passing, Suzanne. No lingering, no guilt, no regrets. I’m already noticing a subtle shift with Saki and Jasmine. Dynamics in transition. xoxo
I hope you don’t mind me shedding some tears with you here tonight. I am touched beyond words by the amazing sharing between you two and with everyone here that had the privilege of meeting her through your loving and playful eye. This whole series you shared here with Lana and her buddies freed up a place in my heart too. Bless you Lana, you served we’ll. And, blessings to you, Susan…….a courageous couple of sweet and wise hearts.
Shed away, Bonnie. You’re in good company. I’m touched by how many were touched by her story and photos, the story behind the photos. She had a good life, a quick death and for that I am forever thankful. xo
Sorry to Hear……I have enjoyed all your pictures with you and her……She seem like a sweet pony……Your story about her was very nice……Sorry Susan…..
Thank you Laura. You’ve always been one to comment on the photos, always let me know how much you enjoyed them. I appreciate that. xo
I am so empathetic to the feelings you have. Read this with tears in my eyes while looking down at my precious “Spirit”. Our pets are our family, and I know you loved Lana. I’m thankful you were able to enjoy her for so many years and that she taught you so much. Hugs <3 [hopefully this will post now–tried earlier and got booted out of FB]
They are our family, our friends and our teachers, Pat. But you already know that. xo
What a sweet tribute to your dear friend!
Thank you, Melinda. She deserves nothing less. xo
Oh, Susan. Big, warm hugs. Lana, I wish I’da known you, dear. You sound like a special soul.
Love,
Alice
Thank you Alice. She’s a special soul indeed. xo
Happy trails, Lana.
Susan, thanks for sharing Lana’s story and thanks for the stroll down memory lane with Dale and Roy!
I hope that song doesn’t come to you at 3 AM, Mo! xo
Crying with you, Susan. What a grand old lady – and so thoughtful too! lots and lots of hugs <3
sue:)
Hugs and hearts back atcha, Sue! xoxoxo
A beautiful and moving tribute to your dear friend, this post brought tears to my eyes. Warm and healing hugs to you <3
Tressie recently posted..Forging (bravely) Ahead
Thank you, Tressie. xo
That was so beautiful. Thank you for letting us in. I’m surrounded by horse farms in Bucks County, PA and those gorgeous horses are such special, healing gifts! xo
There’s a reason they use horses in healing therapies, Sarah. Such beautiful spirits. xo
🙁 The only downside to owning a pet, be it cat, dog, or horse is the fact that we outlive them. RIP sweet Lana. I really love the photo of you loving on her. It is one of my favorites.
One of my favorites too, Lanie. Outliving our four legged companions can be hard but it’s part of what we sign up for when we take them on. I think the lessons learned make us better people. xo
Rest in peace dear Lana. How wonderful that you have so many tangible reminders of her through your photos and blog.
I’m so fortunate that I do, Courtney. It’s hard to believe that the best photos I have of her were all taken in the last three months. xo
What a clever girl she must have been. I ache for your loss. Take comfort in the fact she knew you loved her. She was indeed blessed to have found you.
Clever, bossy old mare with a big heart, Kelly. And yes, it gives me great comfort to know that she knew she was loved. xo
Tears in my eyes as I read this. Our animals can sometimes be our closets confidants. I am sorry for your loss but I am glad you and Lana had such a long relationship.
Thank you, Laura. If my animals could talk…oh, the secrets they would tell! xo
She knew she was loved, Kelly, and I’m so grateful for that. Loved, cared for and not in any pain. There are no regrets. xo
I think that this might be one of the best tributes that I have ever read…
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Thank you, Stacy. xo
Oh, Susan – so sorry about Lana, but how beautiful that she knew just where and when to go to make it a little easier on you. You have every right to feel shitty for as long as you need. These animals are not just animals, but teachers & friends. Sending love.
Liv Lane recently posted..honoring the hard parts
This was NOT the post I’d planned on writing for the ‘hard’ day, Liv. But sometimes life sends you spinning off in another direction.
And you are so right, they are our teachers and friends. xo
Oh my goodness – that was such a touching story and tribute to your great companion. You are right – loving is a risk but what would we do without it? May your heart heal quickly…
Micaela @MindfulMomma recently posted..Organic Apples and Diet Coke
“…loving is a risk but what would we do without it?…”
We would wither up and die inside, wouldn’t we Micaela?
Some things are worth hurting for… xoxo
Lovely tribute and beautiful photos. May your treasured memories of sweet Lana bring peace to your heart.
Thank you, Diana, they do. xo
Susan, this is such a clever, beautiful, and touching legacy to Lana. I find myself grieving with you. The photo of you and Lana speaks volumes. Sending you love and comfort as you grieve the loss of Lana from this earth. xoxo
Thank you, Nancy. xoxo
I’m so sorry for your loss, Susan. Pets are so very dear to the very fiber of our humanity. Thank you for sharing…
Tara
Tara recently posted..Dear Ro
Thank you for understanding, Tara. xo
Susan recently posted..RIP Lana
Thank you for sharing your story with Lana. Animals are just like member’s of the family who have a special place in our hearts. And, you artwork and photos were very beautiful. Sending lots of love and light your way. xx ~ Kristin
Thank you, Kristin. xo
So sorry for your loss. She was a beautiful horse and your tribute made my eyes water.
Thank you, Donna. xo
Hi Susan. Thank you for taking such amazing care of Lana all of those years. She was very blessed that you came into her life and I am very grateful to you also. I love your daily pictures of all of them, they make me feel so happy and sad all at the same time.
I’ll come visit next time I take a trip down to my parents. Lots of love and THANK YOU so much for all you did for Lana.
She was a big part of both of our lives, Aiyana. Thank you for entrusting her to me. She was an easy keeper, happy and healthy right up to the end. I still can’t believe she’s gone…and I can’t thank her enough for going the way she did.
The day after she died I had a dream/vision. I was lying in bed, not quite awake. I saw her body lying there as it had been and then I saw her rise up from it, shake herself like it’d been a good roll and then trot off. I have to say Spirit Lana was much cleaner than the original. 🙂
Please do come by next time you’re in town. xoxo
Oh, Susan…I just saw this. Where have I been that I didn’t know. So sorry your friend moved on. Hugs.
Michelle recently posted..The Urge to Purge
Where HAVE you been, Michelle? Miss one day and all the excitement happens. She’s been gone nearly two months now and we’ve all settled in to the new routine. I’m grateful she went the way she did but at first I was upset because there was no chance to say goodbye. Then I realized we’ve been saying hello AND goodbye all winter through the photos.
Life goes on…
xo