Brown things. The code name Mr. Spouse and I used for chocolate when the kids were young. Peppermint patties, our favorite. Consumed only when the kids were safely in bed. Three each. Because everyone knows four is the gateway number to binging on even simpler carbs. Like Gummies. Or Blow Pops.

We kept the Yorks in the freezer, way in the back. In an empty Garden Burger box. Under lots of other boxes unappealing to children, like spinach. And green beans. FirstBorn found them eventually. And it wasn’t by accident. When it came to candy that kid had the instincts of a drug sniffing dog.

But that was years ago. The kids are grown now. The Yorks are still in the freezer but are in plain sight. Which is good because A: we like them frozen and B: neither one of us can see worth a damn anymore. We know they’re in the top drawer, left front. Can find them by feel if we have to.

It’s been a while since I’ve indulged in brown things but I decided I wanted some tonight. I opened the freezer door and AHA!!! The lights came on, the music blared forth and I was struck upside the head by the spirit of Holy Crap! There’s a LOT of food in here. And all it’s doing is serving as a backdrop for peppermints. Because we don’t eat it. I just buy it, toss it in and hope to God we don’t have a power outage, in which case I throw it out.

Which is always nice because then, after I whine about how much food was wasted, I can start all over with a clean slate. This girl knows how to have a good time.

This is the top drawer. Yorks to the lower left. Always are. In case you ever break into my house looking for candy.

And this is the bottom. Look at all that food! I don’t even know what’s in there. Why, why WHY do I go to the grocery store every other day???

I am headed down the path to freezer burn. So I came up with a plan…. WE WILL EAT THIS FOOD. Imagine that! We’ll excavate the freezer one layer at a time until we hit bottom. We will save money and only shop for perishables like milk. Salad greens. Smoothie greens. Potato Chips.

I will not bore you with the daily details, unless I unearth something…interesting. Like the hamster that went MIA a few years ago. Or a really clever recipe for edamame. Which I haven’t eaten in years but occasionally feel compelled to buy. Probably to feed the hamster.

But I may say something about it while blogging about mixed media techniques. Like how the gesso reminds me of the bag of green beans I ate all by myself. Or something like that.

Feel free to hold me accountable to this. Feel free to join me in person or in spirit.

There will be photos involved.